


It Starts With Peaches

by lioneatingdragon



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/F, Rilaya, just pain tbh, onesided lucaya, pretty much everything is onesided, rucas i guess, that is onesided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:52:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7215835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lioneatingdragon/pseuds/lioneatingdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hurt more.  It hurt more every time Riley laughed because of something Lucas said. It hurt more every time her face lit up when he nudged her shoulder with his own. It hurt more when they walked together, sat together, even stood together. And the more you watched, the more it hurt. And you knew for damn sure that it hurt more than simple jealousy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Starts With Peaches

It was Lucas. You knew it. She knew it. If someone were to ask, you could both without a doubt say ‘it’s Lucas’. But neither one of you ever stopped to question why. For months, years even, you carried on through life with Lucas on your mind, drifting around him as if the ground near him were lava and if you got too close you would burn. You didn’t dare even try to brace the insufferable heat, because if you did you would start to hope, and hope was forbidden. Riley, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have the same problem.

She didn’t fear the lava surrounding his feet. She was the sun; the lava cowered before her as prey does right before being eaten. She continued to smile and laugh and utter those breathless and hopeful ‘hi’s every morning, as she did back when everything was happy and uncomplicated. She continued to stare and bicker and encourage him, her hope clear with every step she took into the lava. Because Riley didn’t just have hope; she was the definition of hope. To her, it was Lucas, and she didn’t even bother asking why.

This bothered you, and you didn’t know why.

One day you said this to Zay, not entirely aware that you had done so. He had said that it was obvious why: you had feelings for the guy; of course it would bother you to see him fall for someone else. You had nodded, at risk of opening up a can of worms you had no interest in dealing with. Privately, you knew that that wasn’t it. This was different, but you weren’t sure how.

You tried to forget about it. You distracted yourself by hanging out with Isadora and Farkle, mostly observing them in awe and trying to figure out how their minds worked. You went to the movies with Zay, often followed by pizza while watching even more movies in the comfort of your rooms, and you spent as much time as possible with Riley, just enjoying each others company as you lay on her bed for hours on end. You even trusted yourself to study with Lucas at Topanga’s from time to time, mostly ignoring the studying part and just talking and talking. All these distractions were good for, however, was realizing what was different.

It hurt more. It hurt more every time Riley laughed because of something Lucas said. It hurt more every time her face lit up when he nudged her shoulder with his own. It hurt more when they walked together, sat together, even stood together. And the more you watched, the more it hurt. And you knew for damn sure that it hurt more than simple jealousy.

You became convinced that it was Lucas. The reason for your pain was Lucas, which made you even more determined to steer clear of him. You began to make a conscious effort to avoid him. You blew Riley off for group study sessions and you started eating lunch outside of school. You exchanged seats with your classmates to sit as far away from him as it was physically possible and you refused to so much as make eye contact with him. To the surprise of no one, this didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“ _You’re avoiding me.”_ He accused when he cornered you before class one day.

“ _And you’re delusional.”_ You had countered, trying to duck around him in order to get to class.

Sighing in annoyance, He placed his arm on the wall next your head, hindering your attempts to get past him. You glanced up at his arm, but refused to make eye contact. _“No I’m not.”_

“ _I have to get to class.”_ You reminded flatly, desperately trying to keep the emotion out of your voice.

“ _So do I.”_ He said, but made no move to remove his arm from your path.

“ _Well then if you don’t mind-”_

“ _Maya, look at me.”_ Lucas had interrupted, his tone suddenly becoming serious, but not the kind of serious it became when he got angry. It was the kind of serious it got only when he was worried, and it killed you not to look up at him in that moment, knowing how bad he must have felt. _“_ _Look at me.”_

You closed your eyes, but didn’t look.

“Please _look at me.”_

Your throat tightened up, and your voice quivered as you spoke: _“I’m sorry, I can’t.”_

Sighing resignedly, he dropped his arm. Not waiting a second longer, you had run past him, the tears you worked so hard to hold back sliding down your face.

Lucas didn’t show up to class that day. Nor was he seen at lunch, in the hallways, and, according to Riley, he had skipped out on studying at Topanga’s too. But the next day he showed up to class, smiling and kind as ever, and everything went back to normal. Or as normal as it could get with you avoiding Lucas, which quickly turned into being isolated from the gang. They of course made a valiant effort for the six of you to hang out as normal, but they soon realized that when you didn’t want to be found, it was practically impossible to find you.

You didn’t speak to Lucas after that. The only communication between the two of you summed up to hurt and angry looks shot at each other across rooms and awkward ‘excuse me’s when you ran into each other while hurrying to your next class. You figured it was just as well, considering that encounter left you with a new realization that you didn’t know if you could deal with.

Your first thought was to turn to the bay window, the place you somehow always managed to figure things out in. One thing that you didn’t consider was that with bay window comes Riley, and as soon as you climbed up the fire escape and glimpsed Riley splayed on her bed, your stomach churning in that telltale way, you knew this place would bring you nothing but more confusion.

Your second thought was to take a walk around your neighborhood. The familiar sounds and smells always managed to clear your head. But as you walked, your phone blew up with messages from Riley, describing every single thing she would rather be doing than her homework right at that moment. You tried to ignore the way your breath hitched every time you saw her name displayed on your screen.

You decided that after those failed attempts at making sense of anything, you’d go to Farkle. Sometimes the best thing isn’t to hide your feelings, as has been your tactic ever since you could remember. Farkle was your oldest friend next to Riley, someone you could trust. He would help you. He always did.

You asked him to meet you at Topanga’s. He was already sitting there when you arrived, his back turned to the door. For a very long time you just watched him through the window, your hands shaking and your heart beating so fast you were sure it would break out of your chest. _It’s okay_ , you had to convince yourself. _It’s just Farkle, your friend. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Just explain to him what happened and how you’ve been feeling._

That was easier said than god damn done, you found out, as you sat next to Farkle on the sofa, avoiding his worried stare in any way it was possible. He had asked you what’s wrong the second he saw you, being able to instantly tell that you were not okay. You had tried to explain everything but all that had come out was a quiet squeak. Cursing, Farkle had stood up and placed you on the couch next to the spot he had been sitting in by the shoulders, ordering you to breathe as he got you a coffee. It had been about 15 minutes since he had placed said coffee in front of you and sat down next to you, and he hadn’t said anything else since, just watching you in that concerned way.

Exactly 17 times in those 15 minutes you had opened your mouth to say something, and every one of those times the words seemed to dissolve on your tongue. You really wanted to tell Farkle. You wanted to tell him everything. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t. In the end, you managed to choke out, swallowing the massive lump in your throat: _“It hurts, Farkle.”_ You looked up at Farkle, whose gaze softened immediately at your words. _“It hurts so much more.”_

Farkle had then wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him, so that your head rested on his chest. _“It’s okay.”_ He had whispered reassuringly, stroking your hair with one hand. And then you had cried. You cried so hard and so long that your throat was raw when you were done.

You cried because of Lucas. You cried because you things were different between you two from how they had been in middle school. You cried because you weren’t talking to each other. You cried because it hurt when you were with him. You cried because of Riley and her hope, and bright smiles and laughter that could quite literally dissolve unhappiness. You cried because things weren’t the same between you two either. You cried because all you wanted was for her to be happy. You cried because it hurt when you were with her. You cried because everything was different. You cried because it hurt so much more.

“ _No it’s not.”_ You had whispered into Farkle’s soaked shirt, in response to his assurance that it’s alright. “ _Because it hurts such much more.”_

“ _I know.”_ Farkle had affirmed soothingly. _“I know.”_

“ _But not with Lucas.”_

And that was what made it all so confusing. It did hurt so much more, but not when you were with Lucas. Yes, it did hurt still when you were with Lucas. Yes, your heart still felt like it was breaking when you saw him talking to Riley as if nothing could make him happier. And yes, your heart did still pick up speed whenever he entered the room. But it hurt so much more when you were with Riley.

It had occurred to you after your falling out with Lucas that the only time you felt this new kind of pain was when you were with Riley. Spending so little time with Lucas alone you weren’t able to discern the difference, but after that scene in the hallway, you knew. And you finally understood, as much as you didn’t want to.

Because that familiar stomach-flip feeling you got whenever you saw Riley, that was not merely out of the anticipation of seeing your friend. And you weren’t fooling anybody saying that the way your heart sped up around her was a common occurrence around platonic friends. Not to mention the irrepressible urges to touch her in any possible way. The amount of times you’ve had to resist affectionately tucking her hair behind her ear was ridiculous.

You were in love with your best friend. And she most definitely was not in love with you.

Farkle didn’t ask what you meant by ‘but not with Lucas’, not that day or any day after that. You went to school with Riley the next day just like you did every other day, and, yep, there was no mistaking the way your heart sped up and the way your stomach flipped when she embraced you, expressing just how much she had missed you since the day before. In that moment you had desperately wanted to pull her closer and keep her there forever, right up against you and smelling so amazing, as she always did. But you resisted, instead chuckling nervously and commenting that it hasn’t even been twenty four hours. She didn’t notice anything odd, but then again she wouldn’t have. You only notice that kind of stuff if you’re looking for it.

She sent you texts in class, detailing how bored she was and how much she missed you. You figured she was probably occupying her time by staring at Lucas, but you found you didn’t care, grinning down at your phone like an idiot.

She started every text with ‘peaches’.


End file.
